At Your Service
by So Much Tea
Summary: Based on the prompt: When Emma sent old fat drunk Hook back to the Jolly Roger, she wasn't aware that there was no Jolly Roger in the Wish Realm. So instead, Old Hook ends up on the deck of the Jolly… docked in Storybrooke. What happens when he comes face to face with this new realm… and his spry younger self?


At Your Service

* * *

 **Killian**

* * *

Strange things were happening in Storybrooke. Strange, strange things. Unusual things _usually_ happened in Storybrooke, but this was by far the strangest. Even stranger than that time Emma's boy accidentally found a way to bring pixies into Storybrooke. But at least Killian understood what was going on then. Sort of. But _this…_

It had started this morning. He had decided to pick up a grilled cheese sandwich for Emma. She remained in their bed, fast asleep. It was to be expected after all the sleepless nights spent in the Wish Realm. Especially considering when she came home, she was forced to battle Belle and the Crocodile's infant.

Well, not an infant. Not anymore at least.

So he thought she at least deserved a surprise. And if a grilled cheese sandwich could put a smile on her face, he was happy. He knew, as always, that he would have to ask for onion rings over fries, and _that_ alone would keep him in her good books.

He pushed open the door to Granny's. It wasn't very busy; only a few people sat in booths, mostly the dwarves. There wasn't a queue, which was good. It meant that Killian could order, grab it and leave. He would return to Emma before she even awoke, and _he_ would wake her, with kisses and grilled cheese.

His gaze flew to the counter as he stepped inside. There was an intake of breath and a, "There he is! Get him!"

Before Killian knew what was happening, he was ducking to avoid a bottle aimed at his head. It shattered above him, sprinkling crystal-like glass into his hair. He emerged to see Granny pointing a shotgun at him.

"What the bloody hell?" he shouted.

"Don't you 'what the bloody hell' me, mister!" Granny growled. "You know what you've done. And you're going to pay for it."

What he'd done? What _had_ he done? He didn't remember doing anything. He'd been with Emma all night and all morning, for heaven's sake.

He tried to keep his voice calm as he said, "Pay for what?"

She cocked the gun higher, right at his face. Her eyes were narrowed as she checked her aim. He heard the damn thing click. He raised his arms slowly above his head, heart beating fast.

"Don't you give me that. Once a pirate, always a pirate, huh? Did you think that disguise would fool _me? Granny?_ "

He kept his hands above his head. "What bloody disguise?" He wished his Swan was here. Emma would sort this out. She was the Saviour, after all. She would slowly talk Granny down, and ask her what on God's earth she was accusing him of. Perhaps Granny had finally lost it.

"That wig. And that pot belly. But I knew it was you. I saw you! I know what you did."

"And what is it, exactly, that I did?" he asked. He took a step forward. He spoke slowly, his voice calm. She cocked the gun at him again.

"Drank all my liquor, you did," she hissed.

"... Come again?"

"And the rum you didn't drink, you took! You know what you did."

Now, Killian had always had a taste for alcoholic beverages, especially rum, but he'd been drinking it less and less. Most days he didn't even take his hip flask out with him, not anymore. Not since Emma. He didn't need a crutch; he had her. And so he'd taken to enjoying such beverages only with meals, when he knew the alcohol wouldn't soak into his bloodstream, a feeling he once craved. And he most certainly did _not_ need to _steal_ it. In his pirate days, he would have took her hand off for that. If she wasn't pointing a gun at his head, that was.

"I resent that," he said.

"Don't _lie_ to me." There was a manic glint in her eyes. Her hair was falling out of place. "Now, you're going to pay."

Killian could feel his own eyes bulging out of his head. "With my life?"

"No. With money. Cough up now."

Killian scoffed. "I don't bloody think so."

He didn't know what hallucination-inducing treatment Granny was taking, but he was _not_ going to pay for something he didn't take. Or drink, in this case.

"Pirate!" she growled.

He ducked and ran out of the diner. He heard a cry of frustration, but he didn't hear any gunshots, proof that Granny was bluffing. Though he knew in his heart of hearts she would never actually shoot him, he couldn't have taken that chance. He had heard some of the truly terrible things she'd done. Things that made even _his_ skin crawl. She was fearless.

Killian blew out a sigh of relief. It looked like Emma wasn't getting that grilled cheese. He'd have to think of something to tell her. Even though they were always honest with each other, the truth sounded unbelievable. It would be best to-

"Hook!"

Killian closed his eyes, hissing out a sigh. The Crocodile. What was the damn Crocodile doing here? He marched across the street, straight for him, his coat flapping in the wind. He didn't look happy -then again, did he ever? He was glaring at Hook like he was going to rip his throat out.

Though Killian had given up his path of revenge a long time ago, he couldn't help but think: _Come on, Crocodile. Just give me a reason and I swear I will._ But the words that came from the Crocodile's lips had Killian too stunned to make any sort of rational response.

"Stay away from my wife."

"I'm sorry, _what?"_

"Was I not clear enough?" he spat through his teeth. He stopped right in front of Killian, anger rolling off him like waves of heat. "Stay. Away. From. My. Wife."

This must have been about Belle lodging on his ship. Killian always knew helping the wife of the Dark One was risky. He wasn't scared of the Crocodile, but he could do without the promises of vengeance. It was something he had to consider before he offered his ship to Belle. But then, she'd been there for _weeks_. If the Crocodile really was upset about it, why hadn't he said something earlier? Why was he coming to him now?

"If your wife prefers to find solace in the cabin of my ship, rather than in your _loving_ embrace, I do not fault her."

His eyes flashed. "Do not test me, Pirate."

"Do not test _me._ "

"I mean it." He seemed almost murderous now; eyes bulging, spit spraying from his mouth. "If you lay a hand on her again-"

"Lay a hand?" Now Killian really _was_ confused. "I have only laid a hand on her once. And I assure you, I have paid for that mistake and apologised profusely for it."

"Don't _lie_ to me. You cannot lie to the Dark One. Touch her again and I will cut your other hand off." He turned to leave, but reversed at the last minute. "I'm sure the Saviour will love to hear of your… antics with other women. I'll be happy to tell her. Once a pirate, always a pirate."

Killian was left wondering what the hell was going on.

* * *

 **Captain Hook**

* * *

When Hook woke on the ship, he truly considered that he must have had a genie or something along the lines of that. He believed the Jolly Roger to be lost to him forever. One unfortunate game of cards later and suddenly she was sailing the seas and Hook was powerless to stop it. He had never felt loss like it - well he _had_ , but _bloody hell_ did it hurt. But now! His Jolly, his beautiful Jolly Roger, returned to him at last.

Had it been the beautiful blonde angel who sent him here? The marvelous, golden haired princess. He was glad he didn't have chance to kidnap her and return her to her family. Yes, the rewards would have been spectacular, but the Jolly Roger was a reward far beyond anything he could have asked for.

He got out of his cot. Granted, it took some effort. He remembered it being larger than that. Perhaps the last owners were smaller than him. Perhaps they replaced it with something smaller. That would be the only possible explanation. He would find whoever replaced the cot and take their hands. But first things first; he was starving. And there wasn't any bloody rum aboard the ship.

He climbed up the steps onto the deck. By the time he was up there, he was exhausted. His hair stuck to his forehead and his coat stuck to his back. He moved his hair away impatiently and scoured the deck. It looked exactly the same. Well, almost. A few crates had been added, a few moved. The only thing missing was his crew. Where the bloody hell were they?

Perhaps the old Captain had abandoned the ship? Perhaps the crew had fled?

But more importantly, where _was_ he? His eyes found many strange looking buildings in the distance. They were so _tall._ Hook had seen a great many things, but he hadn't seen anything like that before.

That's when he spotted a small, brown-haired woman making her way to _his_ ship. She climbed up the plank and onto the deck. She hadn't seemed to notice him yet but _damn_ , did he notice her. She certainly was a sight for sore eyes.

"You there!" he called, pointing at her.

She looked up, glancing around to see where the noise was coming from. Her eyes landed on him, her eyebrows pulling together.

"I'm sorry," she called over to him. "Are you- are you meant to be here?"

Was he meant to be here? What sort of foolish question was that?

'Aye, love. I happen to be the Captain of this ship.'

Her eyes widened; in shock or hopeless lust, he did not know, but she came running up to him. She was unable to take her eyes off his face, his hair, or even his physique. He couldn't blame her. He tended to have that effect on women.

" _Killian?'_ she said, in disbelief. 'Why- what- I don't understand.'

But Hook wasn't listening. He was too busy trailing his eyes up and down her legs. Gods, she was a sight. She wasn't his type, but she certainly was beautiful.

"Why are you dressed like that?" she asked.

"Why are you dressed like that?" he shot back, realising how true his words were. She wore a strange, strange outfit. Something he had never seen before. Not only that, but she was wearing _tights._ Wasn't it only men and fairies who wore tights?

"Okay," she said, folding her arms. "I get it. This is some sort of weird joke, isn't it? Who put you up to this? Or did you decide to do it on your own? I just have one question- how did you do the belly? It looks real."

Again, he found himself not taking in her words. And then, his voice deepened, the way he knew could seduce _anyone._ "Why don't you come back to my cabin for a nightcap?"

"It's the middle of the day," she said.

"Is it?" He sauntered forward. She stepped back.

"I don't know _what's_ gotten into you. I don't know why you're dressed like that, or why you're wearing that- wig, or- I just don't understand." Then, as if a thought struck her: "You're serious, aren't you? Oh God. You're serious."

"Come back to my cabin, darling," he purred, leaning closer to her. "I don't have to be dressed like this."

"Oh God." She moved her face away from his. "Have you been drinking? Where's Emma?"

"Emma? Who's Emma?"

"What's gotten into you, Killian?" She took another step back, away from him. "I'm going to get Emma. You stay here." And then she turned and ran all the way across the deck and down the plank. He tried to run after her, but he got half way across the deck before his legs started to hurt. He leaned over, bracing his hands on his knees, taking in deep breaths.

It was only then that he realised she'd called him by his real name.

* * *

 **Killian**

* * *

He couldn't go back to Emma. Not yet. He needed to wrap his head around what the hell was happening. First Granny and then the Crocodile? If Belle had somehow misinterpreted his feelings for her, which were completely platonic, then he had a problem on his hands. He'd have to find her and explain that whatever he'd done or said, it had been unintentional. Long gone were his days of mindless flirting. He didn't often throw an innuendo into every other sentence. He completely and utterly belonged to Emma.

If Belle didn't understand that, he would have to make her understand.

* * *

 **Captain Hook**

* * *

It was an odd-looking place, he realised, as he walked through the streets. The ground wasn't dusty, but hard, like cobbles. Though it _wasn't_ cobbles. The buildings were tall and made out of stone. Usually, it was only the castles that were made out of stone. Everything else was made out of wood for the most part.

That's when an alien, monster contraption passed him, rolling down the road. Now, Hook wasn't afraid of anything. He had seen dragons and fought monsters of all shapes and sizes, but none quite as terrifying and loud as the one that passed him. Usually monsters had a great many scales, but this monster had only one scale. It was a hideous green, sparkling in the sunlight. What flesh lay beneath that steel armour, he did not know, but he was all too willing to find out.

He raised his sword.

But the monster had already surpassed him, rolling off into the distance.

That's when he spotted it. _Granny's Diner._ It appeared to be a tavern of sorts. Perhaps he would find rum there.

* * *

Later, he exited that wonderful diner place, unable to walk in a straight line thanks to the amount of rum he had consumed while he was in there. He slipped more bottles of rum into both his inside and outside pockets. With a heavy coat and a blurring vision, he continued on his way.

He'd only just rounded the corner when he spotted him; the king. It was strange. He'd heard rumors that the king and queen had died at the Evil Queen's hand, yet there he was, alive and well. Perhaps they had fled their kingdom. Perhaps that was their only chance of survival.

His hair wasn't grey and he wore strange clothing, but there wasn't any denying that it was him. He was walking towards Hook, though he wasn't looking at him. More importantly, he was swordless. If he had worn his crown or jewels, Hook would have taken them, but he didn't seem to possess anything of worth.

"Your majesty," Hook murmured as he passed.

But then he froze mid-step and turned, his forehead puckered with confusion. Or perhaps fear, Hook did not know.

" _Hook?"_ he said.

"That's Captain Hook-" He bowed low, stretching out his arms, and tripped over his own feet. He righted himself and mumbled out a quick, "Atyourservice."

The king put his hands on his hips and huffed a laugh. "You're kidding me. Why are you dressed like that?"

That was the second person to have said that to him today. What was wrong with them? He was the only one dressed in proper attire. He decided not to answer. Instead, he pulled a bottle of rum out of his pocket and took a swig. The king watched him with a curious expression.

"Seriously, Hook. You can drop the act now. Is Granny throwing a costume party or something? It wouldn't be the first time."

Hook, not really understanding the king's words, said, "Nay."

"Then what's with the costume?"

"Costume!" His attire certainly wasn't a costume. He wasn't a mascot, or a false pirate. "You jest, surely."

"It looks like you've been dragged backwards through a bush. And the hair- I have to hand it to you, it looks real." The king chuckled.

Hook had the strangest idea that he was laughing at _him_ , but surely not. Obviously the king had heard of him. If Hook's reputation preceded him, the king should be scared witless. Perhaps that was why nothing he was saying was making any sense. It just sounded like gibberish to his ears.

"It looks ridiculous, mate."

The king chuckled again. Hook joined in, giving his own hearty chuckle, until what the king had said registered in his ears. He stopped laughing immediately.

"What now?"

The king was still laughing. "I said it looks ridiculous."

Hook dropped the rum bottle back in his pocket and drew his sword. He aimed it at the king's chest. King or no king, he had offended Hook. How dare he laugh and jest, when Hook could take his hands off with one sure swipe of his sword.

"Say that again. I dare you."

The king raised his hands. He still wore that smile, but it was slowly fading, his throat bobbing up and down. "You can knock it off, now."

"Your head? It would be my pleasure." He twisted the sword. It sparkled in the moonlight.

"Hook-" The king took a step back. " _Killian._ Seriously. C'mon, now."

"You know," said Hook, taking a slow step towards him. "I have never liked royalty. You sit on your gold-clad thrones, robbing the poor of their fortune, and you hang those like I, humble pirates."

"Hook-"

"Prepare to pay the ultimate price."

* * *

 **Killian**

* * *

"Killian!"

Killian turned to see Emma rushing towards him. She was wearing her black coat. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail, cascading in waves down her back and shoulders. He was surprised to see her dressed. He'd left her in her pyjamas, sleeping like the dead.

Belle followed behind, her heels clicking against the concrete.

"Belle-" he began, stepping forward to meet them. "I believe we need to talk."

"I'll say," said Belle. "What the hell was that all about?"

"That's what I was going to ask you. The Cro- your husband found me this morning. He accused me of certain things. If I've not been clear with you-"

Belle held up her hand. "Trust me, this morning you were very clear."

"This morning?" Why was everyone accusing him of doing things this morning? Was this one of the Dark One's tricks? Had he somehow cloned him?

"It wasn't him," Emma told Belle.

"It wasn't Killian?"

"That man you met today _was_ Killian, in a sense. But it wasn't this Killian." She turned back to him. "There's something I didn't tell you. I meant to, I guess with everything that happened when I got back, I forgot. In the Wish Realm we sort of met… another version of you."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Another version of me?" He had assumed something like that must have happened in the Wish Realm, from Robin's comment, but in truth he had completely forgotten to ask Emma about it.

"An older version of you. I thought I sent him back to the Jolly Roger but suddenly he's in Storybrooke. It doesn't make sense, but we'll fix this."

"He was on the Jolly Roger," Belle said. "That's where I met him. But- where is he now?"

As if on cue, they heard a shout of "Aha!" from behind them. All three of them turned around to see David running towards them, speeding down the road, not caring about cars or anything else.

"Hook!" He breathed out. "Hook, he-" And then, once he caught sight of Killian- "Hook? I thought you were…" He looked behind him.

The reason he was running came waddling after him, sword at the ready.

 _Oh God no,_ thought Killian. _Please no._

He was dressed in a long frayed coat and yellow faded vest. His enormous belly swung in time to his steps. His hair was long and grey. But that wasn't the most disturbing thing.

The most disturbing thing was that it was completely and undeniably _him._

Killian's jaw dropped.

"You think you can hide from me, king?" he called. "It is I, the oncoming storm. I will run you through in a matter of seconds. You will be begging for mercy. Fear me!"

Killian couldn't take his eyes off the man in front of him. He was _old,_ so old. Not silver-foxed old like he'd imagined himself. His hair was long and scraggly, his beard remained untrimmed, his skin unwashed. And there was a smell of rum and stale sweat emerging from him.

The old version of himself raised his sword, pointing it at the prince. "Prepare to die a most painful and exquisite…" He trailed off. His sword dropped a little as his eyes fell on Emma. His lips twitched into a smile. "Hello again, Princess."

She smiled a little. "Captain Hook."

"We meet again. It seems our fates are intertwined. Or perhaps you couldn't get enough of my dashing rescue." He winked at her. Killian felt a little sick.

"Emma…" David said slowly. "What's going on?"

"Dad, this is Hook," she said, keeping her eyes on the old version of him. "From the Wish Realm. And Hook… this is Killian."

For the first time, the old Hook turned and looked right into Killian's face. Killian looked back. There was a moment of them looking at each other, barely breathing. Killian could smell the rum coming off him in waves, and he could see his brain ticking over. Just when he thought they were going to stay there forever-

"What sorcery is this!" Hook yelled. He raised his sword and directed it at Killian's chest. "I have been multiplied. By whom? The Crocodile?" He pressed the sword into the fabric of Killian's vest. "But how?" Killian was too stunned to react, let alone fight back. And weren't there rules for fighting with oneself?

"Please don't hurt him!" Emma said to Hook. She moved closer, holding her hands up. "It's not a trick. You're not from here. Killian is as real as you are, but you're just a different version of him from a different… dimension."

"A what now?"

Killian heard Emma exhale softly. "This is you from when you were younger."

Hook's eyebrows knitted together. It was like his brain had slowed from the years of rum and… cake, by the looks of it. It was embarrassing. Killian had never been more embarrassed in his whole life.

The sword slowly started dropping. And then: "Why, it's just like looking in a mirror."

Killian scowled. "Is it?"

Hook gave a hearty laugh. "No wonder I believed I'd been cloned! What a handsome devil you are. I must admit, I didn't think I'd find anyone as devilishly handsome as I."

Killian just massaged his forehead. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He couldn't believe Hook was so deluded, as to actually think he was looking into a mirror. Killian himself felt like he was looking into a dark future he would do everything to avoid.

"What are you doing here?" Emma addressed Hook. "I thought I sent you back to the Jolly Roger. Why aren't you in the Enchanted forest?"

"Ah, that's simple. I'm afraid the Jolly Roger hasn't been in the Enchanted Forest for a great number of years. If it were, trust me, I would know."

Killian groaned. "You've lost my ship?"

" _My_ ship _._ But nevermind that. I have business to attend to." He rose the sword again, pointing it at Emma's father, a look of triumph on his face. "Say your prayers, king."

David stepped back at once, as far away from the pointed end as he could get. But that didn't stop him from charging closer. Killian thought David had a chance, at least. Hook's aim - embarrassingly - was completely off. He swayed on the spot a little. Killian himself would never be so careless with his aim.

But before he even had chance to strike, Emma knocked the sword from his grasp. His grip was so limp, the sword clattered to the floor where it stayed, reflecting street lights.

"Ah!" called Hook. "That was… bad form." Then he paused. "But because you're so beautiful, I'll let you off."

 _Do not go there,_ thought Killian. He glowered at himself, at his ridiculous, silver hair and his pot belly.

To Killian's dismay, Emma didn't seem annoyed. In fact she looked amused, like she was fighting a smile. That tyrant was flirting with her, and she was smiling back. He did not know what their meeting consisted of in the Wish Realm, but he didn't like it. Not one bit.

Emma picked up the sword, but didn't aim it at Hook. Instead, she twisted it in the light.

"You're a feisty lass," Hook said. He had _that_ look in his eyes. Killian _knew_ that look. "Why don't you come aboard the Jolly Roger? I asked this beautiful brunette earlier, but she did not take me up on my offer."

Belle scoffed. "Ha!"

Killian resisted the urge to bury his head in his hands. Belle had thought _that_ was him? She had thought _he_ was Hook? Had she not noticed the hair or the… age? Again, he felt a little sick. But his sickness soon turned to anger when he heard-

"My beautiful Princess Edna."

He looked up to find Emma's hand in his.

"My name's still Emma," she said. She was still wearing that look of amusement as she looked into his face.

"My sincerest apologies." He brought her hand up to his lips. "Allow me to make it up to you. On my ship."

Killian's face flamed. That was _it._ This older version of him hadn't been in Storybrooke two minutes and he'd already made half the town hate him, and now he was - how did they put it in this land- _flirting_ with Emma. _His_ Emma.

"That's enough, mate," said Killian, placing his hand on Hook's shoulder. "Leave the lady alone."

"As soon as the lady lets me know I'm not welcome, I will." Hook didn't even turn to face himself. He only had eyes for Emma. He began kissing up her arm. Emma didn't look disgusted, like he'd expected her to be, but she was still amused. She gently moved her arm from his grasp.

"I think we need to get you back to your own land," she said, a light in her eyes.

"I'll say," David murmured. He was looking between the two Hooks, shaking his head.

"But why?" said Hook. "I have my Jolly Roger-"

" _My_ Jolly Roger," Killian spat out. He took the sword from Emma's hand and marched over to the back of Hook. He didn't even notice.

"- all the rum I could possibly drink, all the women I desire and-"

Killian hit him hard over the back of the head with the hilt of the blade. Hook crumpled to the floor, knocked out cold. When everyone looked at him, he shrugged. "He deserved it."

"Should I send him back, then?" asked Emma.

"I'm not sure," David said, with a grin. "He was growing on me."

"He goes back _now,"_ Killian hissed. "I am not having him running around, running my good name into the ground, treating Emma like this."

"Sounds to me like someone's jealous," David laughed.

Killian glowered in response. Then he turned to Emma. "Send him back. Please."

"Okay." Without further ado, Emma held her hand over Hook. "Go back to your home in the Wish Realm." With a flash of blinding white light, he was gone. Killian breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you."

It was only later, when they were back in the house, that the fear struck him. He tried sleeping but every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was that older, fatter version of himself, waddling around. Was that what he would turn into? Was that his future?

"Emma," he whispered into the darkness.

Half asleep, Emma mumbled, "Killian?"

"What if I end up like that?"

Emma laughed softly, sleepily, into her pillow. "Like I said, we'll switch to water."

Having seen his future, water for drinking was starting to look like a good idea. Feeling a little better, he rolled over and closed his eyes. Water for drinking, yes. And perhaps a haircut.

All would be well.

* * *

 **Well I had SO much fun writing that! Let me know what you think!**


End file.
